Chronicles of a Corporate Intern

I'm pretty okay with myself. Anyone close to me can tell you that. Anyone who's read this thing can probably tell you that.

But when it comes to one thing I am a total self-doubting wreck: my love life.

I've been through some crap, we all have, but I don't really think that my history is what has me so messed up.

My parents are divorced, my uncle got divorced, my aunt has been divorced - twice now.

That's the entire generation on that side of the family. Relationships don't work out.

Then there's the media - boys are liars and cheaters and will abuse you. Relationships don't work out.

Then there's my father - boys are liars and emotionally manipulating and will abuse you. They're bad people. Stay away. Relationships don't work out.

Now, the boy I'm with is the most honest, supportive guy I could hope for. Yeah, sure, he makes me feel like a dumb-ass sometimes and he's a bit of an asshole, but I am a dumb-ass sometimes and I'm a bit of a bitch. So it's all good.

What I'm getting at though, is that despite my egotism when it comes to the rest of my world, my life has set me up for failure in this category. I'm so insecure when it comes to guys that I can't help but freak out about every little thing; especially when it comes to history.

I've been trying, really really hard, especially when we were doing the distance thing, to get over all my insecurities and jealousies and such; but it just keeps getting worse. The longer I'm with him the more scared I am of losing him and the worse I get about things.

It's too good to be true - and nothing that's too good to be true ever is, is it? This is supposed to be, I don't see how it couldn't be. I know him well, I've known him for years, I've seen him in his past relationships, I know his family; why can't I just be happy with what I've got? Why do I have to worry so much?

And, for that matter, am I really worried about losing him or am I just being jealous about something else?

I am one of the most jealous people alive; as a general rule. It detriments a lot of things in life and I'm trying to get better about it - I was making progress before I started getting sick.

It's almost amazing how much sickness can throw off your life. It's like a whole new load of emotional crap I have to work through again. The fact that I do feel good about myself now is a huge step in the right direction - there was a long time there where I just felt disgusting and broken and whiny, and it was horrible.

Back to square one. I pray to whatever higher power may be out there to hear me that his patience remains as steadfast as it has been and that I can improve and earn that patience. Argh, some things are so frusterating.

Also, it was decided last night in a late night conversation via myspace messages that my insomnia is named Nigel and has cruel parents (who named him Nigel) and thick glasses and very few friends.

Labels: Boys, Family, I'm Female, Ramblings, Sick

Sometimes I feel like I've spent the past few months withering away into nothingness. But this weekend was different - this weekend made me feel alive again.

I've found that Dan will do pretty much anything with me, if I come up with the idea and make the plans.

A while ago we agreed that I would take Fridays off (he works 4 10s and has them off too) and we would go hiking every Friday. I started that this weekend with a trip up to Goat Lake. Not that we made it all the way to the lake, him having worked at a pizza parlor and played video games and drank beer for the past 8 months and me having been sick for so long. But we still drove out to the middle of fricken no where (and I mean middle of nowhere - it's outside of the town, past the little town, past the random grocer that doesn't seem to belong anywhere, 30 miles down the scenic NFS highway, onto the dirt road, and then onto the even-more-dirt-road-with-rocks-and-such.), we wandered around for about 3 hours up and down hills and I took lots and lots of pictures (of him, he got annoyed).

Then, yesterday, I randomly decided to take a trip out to Ocean Shores (as stated below) and we spent the day wandering the beach and skim boarding.

And then, today, I went out and looked at more stables because I'm going to start riding again later this week.

Hah! In your face angry vindictive higher power that keeps tearing my body to pieces!

Labels: Boys, Ramblings, Sick

Yes, that is the word I have chosen: Epic.

Today was epic.

Not necessarily the good kind of epic, but epic, none-the-less.

Let me walk you through this, step by step.

I headed home from Renton last night and fought my way through stop and go traffic. Why? Oh yeah, because 405 North is under construction and I ALWAYS forget.

So I get home at around 12:30 (I left around 11:00). Awesome, yeah? An hour goofing around and dragging my feet, an hour tossing and turning in bed, asleep by 2:30. No big deal, I can sleep in a little because I haven't got much work... But my battered, broken body has other plans.

I wake up 2 hours later, at 4:30, with pain and pressure in my ear. Now, I'm no stranger to pain, and usually if I ignore it long enough it goes away. So, I lay there for an hour, waiting for it to go away, but no. Send a text to Dan, and lay back down, waiting for it to go away, but no. So I lay there for another 2 hours, and finally start drifting back to sleep around 7:30. And there I lay, dozing, never fully asleep, but not really awake either, until 9:30.

At this point I decide this is probably bad, so I give my doctor's office a call and tell them I want their earliest appointment available. It's with the PA, but that's okay, because an RN treated my ulcerative colitis when no one else could. So into the doctor's office I go.

Now - the only reason I have this doctor is because of a viral infection in my lungs that caused a respratory infection that prevented me from breathing. This happened in the past month or two. Un-cool. And now I'm back again. Woohoo!

The PA, a very nice lady if I may say so, informed me that I have an ear infection that has created a hole in my ear-drum. Awesome. So she prescribed me some super-strong antibiotics and told me to come back in a couple weeks for a hearing test and let her know it didn't work. And next time don't ignore chronic ear-pain for a year. (Apparently it's a dumb thing to do, who knew?)

So - back home I go, contemplating the fact that I have had 3 infections in the past 2 months. So what do I do? Ring up my gastroenterologist - "Uhhh, is there a link between colitis and the immune system?". Of course, I have to play phone tag for a couple hours before I finally get the question to someone who can get the question to someone who can answer it (It had to go through two other people first).

While waiting for the person who can get the question to someone who can answer to get the question to someone who can answer it I decided to head down and pick up my prescription. So I mozy into my Safeway pharmacy, where I get my Asacol refills - a place I've used enough times that I wasn't too concerened about it.

They grab my prescription and ring me up - $20. Sweet, that's okay, 'cause I have $300 in my bank account and a check! Yeah, except not. My debit card gets denied. So, slightly confused, I run it as credit; denied.

Now, at this point I'm freaking out. I think I had the right to do so, apologizing to the pharmacist and telling him I had to call the bank I step off to the side and pull out my handy little PDA-style super-fantastic overly-pimped-out phone and head to my online banking.

Available Balance: $289.90 - Correct
Pending Balance: $-91.90 - Not So Correct

What the fuck?

Freaking out even more I booked it home (a short drive luckily, because I was having trouble keeping myself composed), and spend about 3 minutes panicking. I phone the bank and get put on hold, and then get put on hold again, and then get put on hold again, and for good measure, get put on hold a fourth time. (It was okay though, their hold music was instrumentalized gussied up Backstreet Boys songs - and oh yes, I was totally singing along, out of tune.) Explaining my situation yet again, I was informed that the transaction already went through, and they talked to my branch and they won't have any more information until tomorrow.
What the fuck?

I HAVE BLOODY FRAUD ALERT. That, of course, didn't occur to me at the moment. At the moment is more of a "Uhhh... What?", so I thanked the lady, hung up the phone, and sat in stunned silence for a few minutes.

And then I did what any composed, grown up young lady would do. I cried and called my daddy and my boyfriend.

My dad came home and lent me $10 to go get my prescriptions (I had $15 in cash in my wallet from bowling the other night). So I took a shower and headed out to get my prescriptions - which were still on the counter waiting for me - by which point it was 4:00. I left immediatly after that to make it to Renton by 5:00.

My evening faired well, luckily. (I even remembered to take I-5 home instead of 405, and I had leftover wedding cake, and I get to yell at bank people tomorrow for not calling me despite the fraud alert tag I know is on my bank account, since I do pay LifeLock $10 a month to make sure it's on my bank account. Idiot bankers.)

One thing though: Do you see work in there anywhere?
No, me niether.
My boss going to be unimpressed.

Labels: Boys, Ramblings, Sick, Work

Yesterday was my boyfriend's 21st birthday.
It was also his cousin's wedding reception.
A bit selfish of her, perhaps, but we had fun (and he got his beer).

They had their wedding in Jamaica and it looked absolutely beautiful. On a beach, in the sun. The only thing that could've made it better was a horse or two.

All of us silly little girls plan out our weddings. I don't even know why - I've never been the kind of girl who's in a hurry to get married or start a family. I don't even know if I want to start a family. Not to say I'm completely giving up on the idea, I just don't feel that that's a decision I'm ready to make nor a decision I should make on my own.

As a pretty ambitious young lady, academic-focused and career-driven, I still have my strange little domestic dreams. Like to have a giant log-style house in the forest, with 2 horses and 2 mules in the back, and to own a '67 t-top Camaro so I can make my Jeep into an honest-to-God ORV (that counts as a domestic dream, right?).

As such, I still have my dream wedding. And they pretty damn near hit the mark - a small wedding on a beach somewhere warm, or in the mountains; an exotic honeymoon; then a huge, fun reception somewhere meaningful.

And it makes me wonder - why do we have these dreams?

If I haven't made it clear, I'm not exactly the type of girl to think about this stuff. Not to say I'm not a sop and a total romantic, 'cause that'd be a lie. I'm creative and dreamy - but I've always considered men relatively disposable.

I should be careful with that, because the man I'm with is one I'm madly in love with and never ever want to lose and plan to keep for as long as he'll have me (finally one I'm willing to put effort in for and am willing to drop the walls for, that's a first).

But I was always taught that career comes before men, and that I should always be able to stand on my own two feet. And I plan to remember that - maybe less so the career comes before men, because honestly, if I'm in a happy marriage I'd keep the happy marriage over the career (oh yes, you heard me, I admitted it, love before money.). But I will always always be able to stand on my own two feet. I don't want a man I need as much as I want a man I want.

Labels: Boys, I'm Female, Work

Fourth of July.

The time of year when we celebrate our ancestor's blowing up of things by blowing things up ourselves.

And oh yes, did we blow things up. I even made a toy pony fly. It was a tough little colt. Seemed to stay intact no matter how many tanks I ran over it, no matter how many firecrackers I strapped to it, and no matter how many roman candles I shot at it (We melted a toy soldier to it, and usually the soldier went flying off but the horse lived through it all).

We also have the greatest fireworks show around.

Awesome day.

Labels: Boys, Family, Friends

Finally, I can breath again.

I was pretty upset yesterday when my card was rejected trying to get a Dairy Queen combo meal. Luckily my sweetheart of a boyfriend (I never told you that, he's big and manly and an asshole) was there to help me out.

Labels: Boys, Work

Nights at Dan and John's are never boring. Especially when there's family involved.

"Poppy", though, is something else.

I really like him. He's a lot of fun, a burly old guy well worth listening to.

His favorite colors are "Blue and female".

And he knows you can't go wrong when you have a "pretty girlfriend who drives a Jeep".

We're going to get along fine.

Labels: Boys, Family

Damn distracting boys that find ways for me to spend all my money then keep me from work.

Labels: Boys

One day...

I am going to wake up and call all my friends, and ask them "How are you?" and when they say "I'm good, how are you?" I'm going to be able to respond "Healthy". At that point in time, my life will be perfect.

Some days...

I feel like I'm a total fool when it comes to my relationship and some days I just don't care.

Labels: Boys, Sick

It's amazing what those late night after-sex conversations can turn into. Especially when it's Dan and I having them. You add my craziness to his wit and it can turn out pretty bizarre.

Like the night we decided on the three facets of humanity: morality, intelligence, and beauty.

We decided that everybody has two of these three facets. And the way they are divided up is best described using the analogy of a swimming pool:

At the shallow end you have the beautiful, moral people. There's really not a lot too them, they're just kind of wandering aimlessly through life, looking pretty and doing good. They bask in the sunshine and work on their tans.

Behind them are the intelligent, moral people. They're ugly and boring and, while definitely deeper than the pretty air-heads, they still lack the ambition and foresite that morality bars. They just kind of swim in circles in the middle of the pool.

Then, at the deep end, are us beautiful, intelligent, immoral people. You kind of have to watch your back around us. We swim in the dark abyss at the far end of the gene pool with the krakens and other monstrocities.

It all makes sense to me.

Labels: Boys, Profound

Not to say that Monday wasn't interesting.

I give Monday interesting.

After an already fairly eventful day I got a call from my friend Gary, complaining that no one would go out with him, it was his 21st birthday, and he wanted to take me out to dinner. Who am I to turn down free food given the entertainment of Gary's presence and this particular boy's taste in food?

Having finished my Starbucks chat with Erin (a relationship that is far too complicated for me to go into right now) I headed back up to Seattle to pick up Gary and make our 9:00 reservations. We ended up at Cutters, a nicer place, especially when living on the income of a college kid. We got a table by the window with a beautiful view of Elliot Bay, and Gary ended up ordering a bottle of wine; Mont Redon Châteauneuf-du-Pape; a french Shiraz; an $80 bottle. He drank the whole thing over dinner.

Having conquered our volcano cake (on the house for his birthday), we decided the next step was to go bowling. Walking back to the Jeep I began to realize Gary had drank the entire bottle of wine, and while not particularly prevelant, it wasn't completely ignorable either.

We ended up at the Garage on Broadway. Ah, but alas, there's no 21 and over allowed in after 10:00. My status as a minor strikes again. But wait, it wasn't time to head home yet, because let us not forget: Gary drank the entire bottle of wine. And it was ready to come out.

Now, regardless of whether or not your from Seattle, imagine how gorram hard it's going to be to find a bathroom on Broadway at 11 at night. Yeah, that hard. A Shell Station, a Blockbuster, a homeless guy, a random run-in with a friend, and a QFC later a very nice security guard pointed us to Subway, where we ordered two Vitamin waters and the bathroom key. And then I got the entertainment of watching Gary try to use the key. Yeah, that was funny.

Then I finally convinced him it was time to go home. I had work the next day and he was drunk and I wanted to get back to talk to Dan before he had to go to bed (Damn OSU and their 7:30 classes! What foolery!). I drove down Broadway and told him he needed to give me directions, 'cause I didn't know where I was going. He told me to turn right, and then left, past the corner of 20th and Aloha, "we're near Isaac's... Okay...", and somehow he got me to the U District. NOT near Ballard at all.

As we drove up past the Arboreteum I turned to him, asking "How the hell did we end up here? I have like 3 friends that live up here, I know exactly where I am, how is this on the way to your house?"

"I'm taking you on kind of a roundabout way."

"How do we get there from here?"

"I dunno, maybe go straight?"

Yeah... I was impressed. I hopped on 520 and took him back my way.

Some days I wonder what any of us is thinking when we do the things we do.

Labels: Boys, Friends

Ahh, the box. How long I have avoided it, and how quickly I have been stuffed into it.

Yes, that is me, the formerly flunking highschool student who was determined to drop out and become a writer. I am now an intern in the marketing department of a high-powered E-Discovery firm, and heaven forbid, I am enjoying it.

Perhaps, though, I am still a little too intelligent for this work, for I still seem to have a little too much time to think idle thoughts and let my pen ramble at empty notebooks. I've decied to make use of these idle thoughts, and perhaps provide my anecdotes and ideas to the world for their entertainment or disdain.

To start allow me to draw up a few papers I wrote up last year (working Accounts Receivable at an Electric Company... Reorganizing the department, increasing their collections by over 60%, and still spending much of my time idle...). This particular set has made it through 3 purses, 2 jacket pockets, the glove box of my car, and into the pit that is my desk and is now finally going to be presented to the world in it's rightful form: For my entertainment, and maybe yours too.

I spent a lot of time last summer commuting. Stuck in traffic on 405 between Bellevue and Renton. You meet some interesting characters in such settings; of course, as a pretty little teenage girl in a convertable many of these interesting characters have something to say to you, and this is what I had to say about those particular characters.

Profile 1: The Guy Who Parks Next to You
He's pretty ugly, but damn, that truck is cool. Just a little white Toyota, but the decals and skull stickers manage to make it pretty hot. He's good for friendly banter after work, but perhaps not much else.

Profile 2: The Hot Trucker
This one is rare. He's the smokin' twenty something behind the wheel of the semi. And when that engine revs you know you're going to pay attention - especially once you see that smile. It's even better when he's smiling at you. You'll be glad to sit there in rush hour traffic as long as the view's this good.

Profile 3: Mini-Van Kid
He's cute, but careful, 'cause he probably ain't legal. He's blasting crappy rap music out of the stock speakers in mommy's soccer-mom-style mini-van. He has the guts to roll down his mother's immaculately clean passenger's side window and shout "What's your sign baby?" from his newly-acquired drivers seat. He's probably the heart-breaker at the local highschool, but the best response is probably "Octagonal and red", 'cause you can bet he's still got a lot of learning left to do.

Profile 4: The Mercedes Business Man
He's hot, so's his car, he's rich, he's sleek - and he's lookin' at you. He knows that charming smile is going to make you melt, he knows it 'cause he's married and banging his blonde-bimbo secretary too.

Profile 5: The Monte Carlo Mexicans
Their car is a shimmering green Monte Carlo left over from the '60s - hydraulics, top of the line sound system, spinner rims, and a custom interior - some hot stuff. However, don't make eye contact as the engine revs unless your prepared for some rather crude suggestions.

Profile 6: The Redneck Buddies
You're more likely to find this driving up a dirt road then on a downtown freeway, but it turns out I've done my share of that too. And it might just come from those days, in a dirt covered Jeep Wrangler and a "Cowgirl Up" bumper stickers.

These guys are the sexy stupids in the sooped up ol' Ford 4x4 with their doors taken off and mud splashed all along the sides. Camo seat covers and a shot-gun rack complete the admittedly appealing package. They're the ones that pull up next to you shouting "Hell yeah!" "Cowgirl up!" and "Rock on!", and every once in a while offering a beer to go with their exclamations.

Labels: Boys, Cars, I'm Female