Chronicles of a Corporate Intern

I've been trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Why I feel so frustrated and sad and angry and empty all the time.

I might just be sad about Grandaddy.

But part of me thinks there's more to it.

And I really think it's related to not being happy with myself.

I'm a proud person. I know my good attributes. But people still cause me to second guess myself all the time.

I am constantly proving myself a judgemental hypocrite; I have a short temper; I'm a very jealous person; I'm extremely selfish; and I have piles upon piles of emotional issues.

Not to mention: I am one obnoxious little brat! I annoy MYSELF sometimes!

Oh yeah, and I'm immature; really airheaded; stuck up; spoiled; an elitist; fickle; flacky; a bad friend; a difficult girlfriend...

I hate that I feel like I'm driving people away. I don't want to. I love the people in my life right now. I wanna keep them.

There's so much wrong with me - mentally, emotionally, physically - I don't even know where to start on fixing it all. I mean, clearly with the physically, but that's mostly taken care of now; so where do I go from here? How can I fix myself?

I feel stupid saying this, because I know it's a bad thing to think; but all I want is to be perfect and to make everyone else happy.

It doesn't seem like it should be this difficult until I word it like that...

So if that's true, why do I still feel defective for not achieving my clearly impossible goal?

AND... On top of all that...

I'm wanting attention more than ever now. It's not like I'm being ignored by anyone. I don't know, maybe I just feel like I can't talk to anyone. I think that's probably part of my problem.