Chronicles of a Corporate Intern
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Mortality
I've heard many times that people feel small next to the ocean.
I went to the ocean today, and after a few spills off the skim board I waded out waste-deep and let the waves crash by me for a few minutes, and I have to say - small isn't how I would describe it.
Forests make me feel small; standing next to a 100 foot tall, 150 year-old tree; that makes me feel small. The ocean, though, is a different feeling altogether.
Splashed up on the shores were hundreds of dead crabs. I was stepping on them as I waded out to sea. It was more than a little eerie.
And I realized, standing there, feeling the current push me and pull me at it's own will, that that is really what the ocean is about. Life and death - in and out, like the waves, like the tide.
And that's how the ocean made me feel: mortal. In any moment a wave could come crashing down on me or a current could sweep me out and I would be just like those crabs. Nothing more than bones for a wandering foot to crush, nothing more than a thought and a memory crushed into the sand.
The ocean may make some feel small - but the ocean isn't powerful just because of its size. And saying it makes you feel small disregards that power. The ocean is mollifying in many ways - as it should be - as we should all see it to be.
I went to the ocean today, and after a few spills off the skim board I waded out waste-deep and let the waves crash by me for a few minutes, and I have to say - small isn't how I would describe it.
Forests make me feel small; standing next to a 100 foot tall, 150 year-old tree; that makes me feel small. The ocean, though, is a different feeling altogether.
Splashed up on the shores were hundreds of dead crabs. I was stepping on them as I waded out to sea. It was more than a little eerie.
And I realized, standing there, feeling the current push me and pull me at it's own will, that that is really what the ocean is about. Life and death - in and out, like the waves, like the tide.
And that's how the ocean made me feel: mortal. In any moment a wave could come crashing down on me or a current could sweep me out and I would be just like those crabs. Nothing more than bones for a wandering foot to crush, nothing more than a thought and a memory crushed into the sand.
The ocean may make some feel small - but the ocean isn't powerful just because of its size. And saying it makes you feel small disregards that power. The ocean is mollifying in many ways - as it should be - as we should all see it to be.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Military Bootcamp
Life's like a rollercoaster ride. How cliche is that? It's one of those things everybody says all the time.
Well I beg to differ. I don't know about the rest of the world but my life feels absolutely nothing like I'm sitting on some amusement ride watching all this stuff go on around me, terrified out of my wits. Okay, maybe I'm terrified out of my wits, but then life could be like a horrible car-accident or a near-death experience too, if that's all we're basing it on. Fallacies, fallacies, fallacies.
My life is more proactive than a rollercoaster ride, though maybe I live my life more assertively than most, I can't tell, seeing as I'm not most and I have no access to the minds, thought patterns, or lives of most.
My life, though, feels a little more like a stereotypical, movie-style, military training camp. Not the realistic ones, but the fun ones; the ones where you feel like you're friends with all the soldiers.
You know, you wake up every morning and spend all day running around, overcoming obstacles, being taught to conform and being given orders and instructions. Then, every once in a while, you get to go out with all soldiers buddies and get drunk. There are always sarcastic remarks, bad puns, and ironic moments - but it's always work, it's always hard, and every once in a while you have to break loose or else you'll go psychotic. (Though I'm missing a lovable fat kid who works really hard and just barely graduates.)
I don't drink a lot, and I don't have to climb walls or anything, but you catch my drift.
I think maybe this has a lot do with the fact that life is hard. And maybe that surprises me, but maybe not. I think I keep expecting to wake up one day and all my health and money issues will be fixed and I can just move on. But the fact of the matter is, if it's not one thing it's another. Probably on that day I will get in a horrific fight with Dan, horribly offend my parents, and my cat will die.
Life is not a matter of overcoming hardships to be happy, but a matter of learning to be happy with hardships. And I am, happy that is. Sure, I may have just compared my life to a military bootcamp from a bad movie, but I'm really okay with that, because it means I'm trying, I'm working. And you know what, I still love every second of it.
Well I beg to differ. I don't know about the rest of the world but my life feels absolutely nothing like I'm sitting on some amusement ride watching all this stuff go on around me, terrified out of my wits. Okay, maybe I'm terrified out of my wits, but then life could be like a horrible car-accident or a near-death experience too, if that's all we're basing it on. Fallacies, fallacies, fallacies.
My life is more proactive than a rollercoaster ride, though maybe I live my life more assertively than most, I can't tell, seeing as I'm not most and I have no access to the minds, thought patterns, or lives of most.
My life, though, feels a little more like a stereotypical, movie-style, military training camp. Not the realistic ones, but the fun ones; the ones where you feel like you're friends with all the soldiers.
You know, you wake up every morning and spend all day running around, overcoming obstacles, being taught to conform and being given orders and instructions. Then, every once in a while, you get to go out with all soldiers buddies and get drunk. There are always sarcastic remarks, bad puns, and ironic moments - but it's always work, it's always hard, and every once in a while you have to break loose or else you'll go psychotic. (Though I'm missing a lovable fat kid who works really hard and just barely graduates.)
I don't drink a lot, and I don't have to climb walls or anything, but you catch my drift.
I think maybe this has a lot do with the fact that life is hard. And maybe that surprises me, but maybe not. I think I keep expecting to wake up one day and all my health and money issues will be fixed and I can just move on. But the fact of the matter is, if it's not one thing it's another. Probably on that day I will get in a horrific fight with Dan, horribly offend my parents, and my cat will die.
Life is not a matter of overcoming hardships to be happy, but a matter of learning to be happy with hardships. And I am, happy that is. Sure, I may have just compared my life to a military bootcamp from a bad movie, but I'm really okay with that, because it means I'm trying, I'm working. And you know what, I still love every second of it.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The Material
I spent the afternoon at Fishermen's terminal; looking at the boats and the fish and the birds, and on occasion my book. It's far from the most scenic spot in town, but it was nice none-the-less. I reconnected with myself, and remembered what I want out of life.
I spend a lot of time talking about how one day I'm going to run this and one day I'm going to be able to afford that, and I think I may have given people the wrong idea about my ambitions.
I want to be happy, simply. And the reason I can be so focused on material things right now is that I am happy.
I wake up every morning and immediately text message the most amazing guy I could ever hope for. I talk to my loving father, get on AIM and chat with all my darling friends. Then I make myself look (even more) gorgeous, pig out on some donuts, and go about my day.
I'm beautiful, intelligent, strong, kind, confident, and appreciative. I, generally, feel good about myself and have a ton of people who care about me. And my life is interesting, I stay busy and don't let things get too mundane.
That's really all I need, an interesting life and people who care. And I can't forsee my possession of these things changing, so for now, I'll focus on what I don't have.
You should all worry when I start wanting for something less material.
I spend a lot of time talking about how one day I'm going to run this and one day I'm going to be able to afford that, and I think I may have given people the wrong idea about my ambitions.
I want to be happy, simply. And the reason I can be so focused on material things right now is that I am happy.
I wake up every morning and immediately text message the most amazing guy I could ever hope for. I talk to my loving father, get on AIM and chat with all my darling friends. Then I make myself look (even more) gorgeous, pig out on some donuts, and go about my day.
I'm beautiful, intelligent, strong, kind, confident, and appreciative. I, generally, feel good about myself and have a ton of people who care about me. And my life is interesting, I stay busy and don't let things get too mundane.
That's really all I need, an interesting life and people who care. And I can't forsee my possession of these things changing, so for now, I'll focus on what I don't have.
You should all worry when I start wanting for something less material.
Labels: Profound
Thursday, June 5, 2008
"Baby, We're From the Deep End of the Gene Pool"
It's amazing what those late night after-sex conversations can turn into. Especially when it's Dan and I having them. You add my craziness to his wit and it can turn out pretty bizarre.
Like the night we decided on the three facets of humanity: morality, intelligence, and beauty.
We decided that everybody has two of these three facets. And the way they are divided up is best described using the analogy of a swimming pool:
At the shallow end you have the beautiful, moral people. There's really not a lot too them, they're just kind of wandering aimlessly through life, looking pretty and doing good. They bask in the sunshine and work on their tans.
Behind them are the intelligent, moral people. They're ugly and boring and, while definitely deeper than the pretty air-heads, they still lack the ambition and foresite that morality bars. They just kind of swim in circles in the middle of the pool.
Then, at the deep end, are us beautiful, intelligent, immoral people. You kind of have to watch your back around us. We swim in the dark abyss at the far end of the gene pool with the krakens and other monstrocities.
It all makes sense to me.
Like the night we decided on the three facets of humanity: morality, intelligence, and beauty.
We decided that everybody has two of these three facets. And the way they are divided up is best described using the analogy of a swimming pool:
At the shallow end you have the beautiful, moral people. There's really not a lot too them, they're just kind of wandering aimlessly through life, looking pretty and doing good. They bask in the sunshine and work on their tans.
Behind them are the intelligent, moral people. They're ugly and boring and, while definitely deeper than the pretty air-heads, they still lack the ambition and foresite that morality bars. They just kind of swim in circles in the middle of the pool.
Then, at the deep end, are us beautiful, intelligent, immoral people. You kind of have to watch your back around us. We swim in the dark abyss at the far end of the gene pool with the krakens and other monstrocities.
It all makes sense to me.
